Saturday, 24 October 2015


What an arrogant one I met.. 

As explained I had a session last month, I wish I never went to be honest. He tried to put borderline personality disorder on top of my bipolar

I'll explain

I had to move to a different place because the attachment area for our care teams changed.. May I add that I have never seen the same shrink twice in the whole 8 months I been diagnosed. I think this is obscene. How is someone meant to get to know me and my illness if I see a different one every bloody 6 weeks. 

So I turned up at my new place of care.. On the point of walking in he did not say hello nothing. I was being told I was having another assessment as I was a new patient. Bare in mind that I have seen 6 different shrinks and they all said the same bipolar effective disorder. So I had to go threw my past, my behavior everything again. Even though this was all on the system, from my my previous care team.. 

So I will admit that when I gave up the alcohol I did go into a little bit of gambling, sometimes I spent to much but not to the point that I didn't look after my family. Oh my days he come down on me like a ton of bricks saying that I couldn't see the problem I had with not knowing how much I spent in the last six months.. The only reason I didn't know what I spent was because it would probably make me sick the amount I spent. I simply explained that I didn't have a problem and that I was addressing it.

 I even said do you go out at the weekend spend like £60 on a meal? His reply was we are not here about me i'm not the one asking for help so lets keep it about you. I only was tying to explain that I don't do things like that and I like to have something for myself and that £60 pound I might gamble is no different.  

He continued to go on about the gambling and for the 6th time I explained I do not have a problem I can give it up at anytime but its something I enjoy as I don't do anything else. He would not listen. Then I got a bit angry, like any person would having to say things over and over again.. I was then called a passive aggressive and that I was emotionally unstable. Oh my days it this bloke for real. I was stopping the gambling before I even went to that appointment. Would he listen no.. 

Who do these people think they are? Anyone that wasn't listened to and had to keep repeating themselves would get annoyed surly? That's a normal human reaction isn't it? So because of this I have had added the personality disorder. He didn't even say goodbye just pointed to the door. 

I cant really moan because all the other people I have seen been really nice, but this person was going to be my shrink from now on. Not a chance I came away from there not knowing what illness I had, what medication I was meant to take. I didn't know my ass from my hand. I got in and rung to make a complaint. There was no way I was seeing that man again. Lucky they listened and said I shouldn't of even had another assessment I had already been assessed by a higher up shrink and that he could not over rule that. 

They are in the process of changing my shrink and I cant see one now until January but at least I don't have to see him again. Just to make a point I have gambled £20 in the last two months. So when I said I didn't have a problem, I didn't..

I would love to hear your stories of shrinks and bad experiences because that was a very bad experience I even said I don't want to see anyone anymore. At least the manager agreed with me and said that was so unprofessional and I will be dealing with this personally. I came to find out that he was just a stand in and they were thinking of taking him on in that practice, I hope they don't now.

What do you think of shrinks, I did also to hear positive stories because that has made me really not want to bother anymore.  

Hope you are all well 

Friday, 23 October 2015

ups and downs..

Well what a couple of months I have had.. 

I thought I'd update you all as I haven't posted in a while. I have had to up medication, and went threw a stage of not waiting any medication at all. This bipolar illness started getting the better of me. Anyone had that? I felt like just giving up on all the work I have put into my blog and just letting bipolar beat me.. I suppose over the years this many happen a lot. I have come to realize that we do actually need something to simulate our minds or we will just get poorly. As soon as I started admitting defeat I went more poorly. I got sick and tired of taking medication every night, I somehow I convinced myself there was no way I  had bipolar. Luckily I still kept taking my medication, but I thought how can I write a blog on something that I haven't got. I think I started getting poorly at the point I was more then happy for my partner to leave. I could do this by myself, bring up four children is  easy. MANIC.

I have been threw a few projects.. sewing, writing a book. so I must been a little it higher then I should be ha ha.. To me I wasn't poorly but least this manic when me and my partner sorted things didn't involve in major risk taking. I still stayed off the alcohol and it was more of a controlled manic expect I thought I didn't have bipolar and everyone was wrong.. 

I find that I can laugh at myself tho which is a good thing I suppose. I went from to thinking bipolar was beating me to me not having it all in 3 weeks.. 

So me and my partner has had a few ups and downs the last couple months but we are still here. I still don't think he can't understand fully what my bipolar is and cant handle it. He gets annoyed that I start all these things and never finish any,  but that's just going to be me isn't it.

I suppose that is a good thing about the blog I can always come back to it, and hope that my loyal readers understand the ups and down that bipolar brings. 

I also seen a shrink about two months ago that put me all up in the air. Borderline personality may be added to my diagnoses as well they think I have both. That didn't go down to well with me and I have been adjusting to that so sorry I haven't posted  

I also find with these shrinks that they always treat your manics before your depression anyone find that? You are feeling great and they want to shatter that? I find that silly, but I am one of the few people that likes my manics. A lot of people don't actually like them. During this manic I actually was quite constructive. I started paying my debts and started sorting out Christmas.. Seeing as I didn't think I had bipolar I just was just to busy in my mind to be able to write a post to be honest.. It was would just been rambling and jumping from one topic to another. 

I also now have to have a cpn visit me on weekly basis to try to keep me managed.. What a couple of months I been threw eh? 

But I hope my readers are happy I'm back and I'm now feeling well.. I really do hope you understand why I haven't posted 

Hope this finds you all well..