Friday, 21 August 2015
I have had an alright day today. I have done the first step into the grieving processes. Even though he has hurt me so much the last 7 years I think I am actually numb to it.
I have cleared all his stuff, put memories in a box in the attic, changed my bedroom around and my living room .I feel as though I now need to make this my home, not our home.
I spoke to him briefly and asked what he wanted me to do with his stuff as I wanted out of my house today. His reply was "I only have £190 left, I can't really afford you to send it in a taxi. £190 pound out of nearly £800.. in two days gone. When I'm here with no money what so ever. I cant take my children anywhere or anything without money. (its raining but that's far from the point.) I sent the stuff anyway..
I was going through paperwork, that he would need. I found a letter stashed date the beginning of this month saying he was receiving it on the day he got it. He never once told me this. He hid letter from me. What a deceitful horrible person. I will put up with a lot but deceit is just an awful trait. Its thought about, its planned.
Do I hate him no, I just wish the best luck, He will need it with that way that he. I have put up with lies about drugs, people knocking on my door threatening me because he had drug debt. He will always deny it, but its obvious. He never does drugs when he around my children well class As, but whenever he leaves that's the reason for it. I believe now. He will just messed up for a week then expect to come home when he drugged all the money up the wall.
I always say no but then the abuse starts and he brings me down, to control me. Threatening me with things, just being dam right spiteful.
How I have worked out to get past this, this time?. I have call barring I have barred his number. He has had instructions to contact my mum about arrangements with my children.
How am feeling. Relief I think. I don't have to put with this anymore, Yeah its going to take sometime to adjust to being a single mum, its going to be lonely. I'm going to miss him but when that has all gone, I never be sat here like this again, to do with him.
Here's to a new chapter in my life guys :)