Sunday, 23 August 2015

Narcissistic



Narcissistic




As stated in my last post I believe my ex is one of these.. He follows all the traits of one. Maybe that's why it's been so hard for me to leave in the past. Ill let you know why I think it. 





We split up after six months of being together. He convinced me to stay with him a bedsit the same night we went on our first date. I didn't bother with anyone just went to work and made him my life. Everything was good we got on really well. Next came the abuse, he had just come out of a relationship and would sit there telling me how he still loved her and I was nothing compared to her etc. I would say I was leaving him and he would pack my stuff for me. 

I did eventually leave him in the end, but regretted it for some reason. I tried to get him back, but he didn't just texted abuse all the time. 



It was a year later I just heard from him out of the blue saying I miss you. Completely messed my head up. We ended up meeting up and giving another shot. This was short lived as he just vanished off the face of the earth two weeks later.



I found out I was pregnant. I went through all the abuse of it's not mine your a slag etc. Had people ringing me threatening me.. I lived a hard four months. 

I then see him on my way home from work and I got off the bus to confront him. We ended up getting back together and getting a place.. We were brilliant after this, just me and him. He would do anything for me etc. I don't know when it all changed it just did. He use to punish me for saying something he didn't like. When things didn't go his way he would leave and ignore me for however long. 


He says he did this to punish me for the wrong I did?


It drove me insane, I even shaved my hair off  once because of the stress of him. He could win me back over, he would play on my fears and insecurities and bring me down. So I ended up believing it was my fault, I am wrong. He would come back on his terms then and get whatever he wanted in the first place. 



I'm sure he is incapable of loving anyone other than himself. He always puts people down to make himself look good or feel better (never to their face of course) only mine. 



He says it's my fault he hurts me cause I allow to, if I didn't care he couldn't hurt me. So basically I shouldn't have feelings, like he doesn't.

He is a lair, he will lie to anyone to get his own way or to get out of trouble. He will never face responsibility everything is everyone else fault. 



If I am right about him being a narcissistic, he will leave soon anyway for some else, then humiliate me to say I am the crazy one.
I think he used me to mother his children. They tend to use people in life, for they want. They never love them its just all about winning. They believe life is a game.  


They tend to go for mentally strong people so is a challenge to bring them down. They go for people pleasers, so they can get anything want. If you start questioning, they punish you. They will withdraw from you, make you feel you don't even exist to them. 



Narcissism is a personality disorder, so its mental health. There is no cure, though. They can give medication to help a bit and therapy, but there is no cure. Narcissistic think there isn't anything wrong with them, that they are just smart at life. 


I would advice if you ever meet one run and run as your life depended on it. They suck all the life out of you until you don't even know who you are anymore. You just live by their unhealthy boundaries because of happens when you don't..



You walk a life of egg shells and no voice. 

I think this blog made me find my voice again and it helped me leave him. 

Have you had any experiences with a narcissistic? 


I would love to hear the stories of survival because I know I'm far from clear of him yet :(


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